Posts

I have 2 more days worth of blogs for you guys.

Thank you for your interest. I will try to have the rest of my journals up soon.

I would love for any questions. you can send them to me at: blackb3n@gmail.com

Thank you
-Ben

Person Profile: Sawyer

Still not sure what to think of Sawyer. She was eager to get home but I found her 2 days later a few blocks from where we parted. I gave her a good amount of money, more than she said she needed, and she still was trying for more.

Sounds like she was raised in an unstable house. She and her brother learned the ways of a squatter when they were young. she was starting as a squatter/hitchhiker at the age of 10. Lived in the foster care system on and off by the age of 14. Lived with a Morman family that loved her even though she made their life rough.

Was placed in rehab at age 14 for heroine and meth. During this time learned her real mother had terminal (and soon to be fatal). While in rehab, one of her care givers started talking to her about Christ. Sounds like he made an impact on her life and opinion of Christians.

Has traveled all over the country. Calls Seattle home and stays in San Francisco often. Goes by either Damie or Sawyer. Well known by squatters and beatniks in such areas.

Believes there is a God, but not sure exactly whom. Feels that you cant dismiss an epiphany and every person should believe what they feel.

Has a brother working out of Seattle. They speak often and have a good relationship. Brother makes a good amount of money and has a nice house. They agree to disagree on each others lifestyle.

Pray for: Safety, wisdom, open heart to hear from God, Godly influences in her life, peace in her heart, and what ever else you can think to pray for.

James1:27

Social Experiment (signs 9 & 9.5)

08/12/10

Started with sign #9 and decided it was not big enough. I re-wrote the sign to make it bigger and easier to read.

When holding out sign, people would often pass by without looking. Some would not try to see and others would not look out of instinct. Children would almost always look and read my signs.

I held the sign up for 30 minutes. I had 2 people stop and stare, but did not say anything. I received 4 responses and a few people looked as they passed.

For children, who the world is still good and adventurous, a person with a sign is a sad thing. Children are not yet trained to look away. Kids seemed more open to seeing people around them.

Have we become a people blinded to things around us? Do we try our best to not see problems that surround us? With so many panhandlers lying and cheating are we inclined to ignore all of the homeless around us? have we set in our minds that they are all not worth helping?

Now sitting and writing this for all of you, I wonder; what would Christ do? Would he pass them by, or would he love them where they at?

Sign
9 & 9.5 - "Can you even see me?"

How I Feel 8/12/10

Have I tried hard enough to connect with others on the street? Have I missed opportunities that God had for me? what else is there for me to do? Lord, please provide more for me and lead me in your way.

Sawyer was trying to sell jokes last night. I hope she isn't out of money. I have her $80, and I thought it would be more than enough.

I am so ready to be home. My mind seems to dwell too much on how I'm going to survive until leave. I need to focus on the now.

My feet are killing me. I have walked a lot and now they hurt. I should have asked for money to buy a train ticked before walking that distance, but it is good for me.

Thursday 8/12/10

Finally gave up on finding a place to get bug spray. It was way too late to be wandering around the city. Decided to sleep at the plaza by the Court building again. Once again I got kicked out by security at about five in the morning. Wandered over to Millenium park again. Bathrooms were closed, but at least I could refill my empty water bottles at the fountain. I did pee in the doorway though, had to go and figured I would "do it like the homeless".

Me at the Courthouse plaza during a US outreach with YWAM in 08


Slept in the park for a while. Got up after a few hours and headed to Cafe Descartes. Sat and did some writing for a bit.

Wandered for a bit because I was not sure what I was going to do. Walked up to the Water Works. Jumped on a train back to Lake and walked up to the park by the library. Rested for a bit and decided to do a bible study of Romans and Proverbs.

Sat at the southwest corner of the park by the library (I believe it is called Pritzer Park). Used sign #5,6,7, and 8 receiving two granola bars. I was not getting very far with them so I tried a new thing.

Sign 9 & 9.5 were not asking for anything, but more of a test to wee what people would do. I got 4 answers and a few stares. A guy named Paul stopped and talked for a minute, then went to CVS to get me some food. After holding my sign up for a few minutes longer, Paul came back. He handed me a bag with chocolate milk, cashews, and almond cookies. He stopped and talked with me for a while.

Paul and I talked about traveling, government, business, cars, and life. I didn't get any opportunity for witness. He was homeless by choice and had been doing it for years. He wanted to stick it to the government by staying off the radar. He gave me a fake $1,000,000 bill and a used bus pass good for another 4 hours. Paul got up and told me, "don't forget, there is always hope", then left.

After Paul left I got up and tried to find another homeless person to give the food. I finally found the lady who sits at the McDonalds by the courthouse. Gave her the food (minus the milk) and continued on me way to PGM.

I jumped on the redline to Roosevelt. Walked over to PGM, this would be my last stay. I did not want to beg for dinner that night, and I wanted a shower. Tried to start up conversations with the guys around me, but they were not very responsive.

On the way upstairs I ran into Jamal. He had signed up with PGM for their biblical training classes and work program. He was excited to see me again. When I told him that I would be leaving town and moving on he was excited for me.

Got a shower and it felt amazing. I'm glad that the guys around there were mostly helpful and easy going, they gave me a bit of shampoo and told me where to get a job (all while I was in the shower). I finally got my shoes and socks off and I checked my feet............2 blisters, no wonder they hurt soo much.

Signs
5 - I just need some food
6 - Homeless & need food, God Bless
7 - Why so quick to judge?
8 - God Bless you
9 - Can you even see me? (9.5 was the same with larger wording)

How I Feel 8/11/10

I want and miss the comforts I had before. My clothes haven't been washed all week and they smell terrible. I always want another shower and some floss. It is very testing to have less than $5 to your name at all times.

I hate being around people. Beyond the normal separation from people on the streets, people try more to stay away from you. I am dirty and smelly, most people won't get near me.

It feels very low to hold up signs asking for food. Most people will only toss you money, they don't seem to want to deal with you. Can I blame them? It is very outside of the comfort zone to do such a thing. Do people want to be inconvenienced by trying to help somebody else?

BTW! Where are the Christians? I'm not sure what Pat was or some of the people who gave me money. Paolo was, I'm pretty sure, not a Christian. The lady who handed me the pamphlet (or was it a comic book?) was a Jehovah's Witness. Who is willing to speak love and life into such as I?

So far i haven't been comfortable when and where I sleep, but I have not felt unsafe. God has and will keep my safe and secure, but still letting me go places and be in situations that are uncomfortable and unsheltered.

I wonder if I am getting help more than others on the street asking for help. I am obviously not crazy, drugged, alcoholic, or any other stereotype that can be thought up. Is my age and aura helping?

Handing It Over

Oh Lord,
life is out of control,
this time I've got to let go.
I can only do so much as a man,
but I know the rest is fine in your hand.
God, thank you for the hardship.
In these times only you I will worship.
Will not the Lord of all do good?
Help me to life the best I should.
even through the pain and the sorrow,
I know that I will wake to praise you tomorrow.
For every person living on the street,
I know that your heart does break with every beat.
Thank you, Lord, for who you are and what you've done.
I will see you on the rise of this setting sun.

Wednesday 8/11/10

once again, wake up call at 5. I get more sleep on the streets, but not as clean when I'm on the streets. Service was long and ridiculous once again, but worth sitting through for breakfast. Oatmeal! Even on the streets I can't get away from it. (I have eaten oatmeal almost every morning through college, it is getting a little old.) I can't complain though, I need food.

After breakfast i left and headed back to downtown. Walked up State St. until I found and Argo Tea. I wanted to get some good java and to sit and write. Spent some time there, but I was a bit out of place.

Went over to Grant park, couldn't find anyone and decided to take a nap. Got up at about 11ish and started walking towards the Hancock building. On the way I decided to stop and call home. I ran in to the Apple store and grabbed an Iphone. I called Molly and my parents just to let them know that I was alright.

Sat at the north part of the Water Works west side entrance. While sitting at the waterworks I collected $6.80, a whoopie pie and.......food! This was the first time when I used a need food sign that I received a meal. A guy brought me over a bat with a sandwich, bagel, water and oatmeal cookie. God does provide! Tried to find another homeless person to share the meal with, but couldn't find anybody.

Chicago Water Works


Ate my lunch and started walking up to the north side of Lincoln Park (about a 6 mile walk). A few hours later I arrived at Cornerstone Community Outreach, a shelter in the uptown section of Chicago. They told me, at the door, that I need a referral to get in and could get one at the Department of Human Services down the street.

Went to the DHS and signed in. I had been waiting for over and hour when two ladies walked in from Cornerstone Community Outreach. They talked to the clerk about the skin issues they had from staying at Cornerstone. They said that they had never had any problems before they started staying there. They told me about several other people who had the same thing.

I walked out and over to another part of Lincoln Park. I figured it would be best to not stay there. Tried sleeping for a bit but it did not work, the flies wouldn't leave me alone. I found it interesting to see a few homeless couples lying in the park. I had seen a few couples like this before here and there. I find it interesting the way the guy would always stay awake while she slept. A very protective and loving act.

Got up, found a bench and decided to read some of my bible. A homeless woman came and sat next to me. She saw me reading and asked me what it was, I told her that it was my bible. We talked for a minute about the bible and she asked why i read it, told her that it was what I believed and it was very important to me. She told of another shelter nearby, so I hurried off to it. Got there quickly and found out that you are supposed to sign in at 8 a.m. that morning. I decided to buy 2 day passes and head up to the YWAM Chicago base for some more ideas what to do.

Got to the base and found out that Brad (the base leader) was out of town, and would be for another two weeks. Ruth (Brad's main assistant) had left a little over 3 weeks before. Brad's new assistant was able to talk with me for a little while, but was not able to give me any helpful advice.

I left and headed back to the Loyola red line station. I passes a church on the way and saw the bushes next to it might make for a good place to sleep behind. Would have worked great and it was very comfortable, except for the massive amount of mosquitoes. I couldn't get any sleep so i decided to go back downtown.

Got on the train and headed back downtown. Figured if I was going to sleep in the park I should buy some bug spray. When I got off the train Sawyer was sitting on the corner selling jokes. I wondered why she needed more money. Could not find a Walgreens that was open. I finally decided to sleep on the street on the first bench on the street that I could find.

Tuesday 8/10/10

Security guard came for the courthouse came woke me up at 5 and told me to leave. I packed up and started walking towards Millenium park. I stopped and laid down on the sidewalk next to the Cultural Center on Michigan Ave. Slept for about an hour and a half. Woke up to people walking by on the sidewalk. Opened my eyes to see two girls staring at me, Got up and moved into Millenium park to sleep some more, woke up at 10.

Woke up and headed to the courthouse square. Sat across from Mcdonalds with sign #5, took a while but finally collected $5. Never been so happy to get a McDouble. I bought one for me and one for another homeless guy sitting out front. Chatted with him for a bit and left.

Went back to Millenium park to sleep. I had planned to to back to PGM at 5 for dinner. Slept till 4:30, a bit too late to take the hour walk up to PGM. Walked into downtown and sat near a subway and used sign #5.

Had been sitting there a while with no luck, a guy named Paolo stopped and asked if i was serious. He invited me back to his apartment for dinner. We found a cab and went up Clark near Fullerton. He gave me $9 to get dinner at the store near his house, I used $4 and some change and he let me keep the other $5. He got some drinks and we went to his apartment. I looked around and tried to make sure that I had a way out and it might be safe to go inside. We sat on the couch eating and watching TV. We got to have a conversation about life and I was able to share with him how God had been good to me. Talked about how even in times like this I trust in God and he always comes through.

After a few minutes he startes making advances at me. After telling him no and that I was not gay and not interested he stopped for a few minutes. He walked into the kitchen then came back and tried to give me a back rub. I got up and started leaving, he objected and told me that I could stay the night. I figured this guy would not be interested if I tried to tell him any of the gospel, so I left. He gave me $2.25 for the subway to the shelter.

Wandered for a bit and finally found the subway station. Took the train down to Roosevelt and walked over to PGM. I was glad to have a shower and get out of my nasty clothes.

Paolo was a strange experience. It really opened my eyes to what can happen to street kids. I was told later by Josh that it is common for people to prey on street kids for sex. There are lots of street kids out there who get into that situation for food and shelter. I could see that when I was in Houston, TX working with street kids there. I saw a number of people who were in that situation for protection and felt like they could not get out because of the fear of what could happen.

Who is picking people up off of the streets. People are looking for something and who is giving the answers to them. Hindus? Gays? Muslims? Atheists? Humanists? Where are the Christians? We could be the ones picking people up and supplying their needs. We could help them along and show them the love of Christ, who didn't care what might be wrong with them. Who will influence the world? Who will help those on the streets? I met few true followers of Christ while on the street. I know that people who help others and love them how Christ would could have great effect.


-Ben

Signs
#5 - I just need food

My street story

I figured it would be best not to tell people on the street the real reason that I was homeless. I decided to use a cover story for more credibility.

I was on the streets due to some bad financial choices during college. Parents weren't around and I had no close family. Lost my apartment and decided to walk out on life to the streets. Had just hitchhiked in from Ohio.

Maybe I could have done better but it seemed to work.

-Ben

Monday Night 8/9/10

After coffee we wandered for a bit. We stopped at McDonalds for a bit to sit in the Air Conditioning. We moved on and sat outside a condo on Dearborn to charge her phone with the outlet there. Sawyer talked for most of the time while we were sitting there on the sidewalk. I journaled and rested.

Sawyer walked away for a minute to go to the bathroom. While sitting there a guy named Pat stopped and asked me who I was and what I was doing there. Told him my street story (see previous blog post). He handed me $10, his card and told me that if there was anything I needed to give him a call. Pat walked away and Sawyer came back. Pat walked over again, handing me some more money, telling me"here is some more for your your needs". He handed me a $100 bill. With the money I bought Sawyer a new set of headphones (which were broken) and some more phone time.

we got kicked out by the condo doorman. So we walked down to the courthouse plaza. We sat and talked for a while. She talked about getting money together for her trip to CA and me coming with her. I handed her $60, told her that I felt like I was supposed to go in a different direction.

Sitting together for another 40 minutes or so we got to talking. We got onto the subject about God, and got into a discussion. I told her that I was a Christian and she said that she had thought that I was.

We talked about a lot of different things. She brought up how she felt like most Christians were very hypocritical and didn't live up to what they preached. She used to hate Christians, but when she was in rehab one of her nurses was a Christian who was a great example of Christ in her life. She said that she didn't believe in God but felt like there was some thing out there. I was able to talk with her about how I hated the church in high school but came to a biblical understanding of who God was and what he called us to truely be.

I don't know that I made a huge impact in her life, but I think that God definitely used me in her life. Though I don't know the impact, I can't doubt what God could do with it and what the Holy Spirit might have spoken into her heart. I will be praying for her safety, Influences in her life and for her heart to be open to God speaking to it.

Security kicked us off of the statue that we were sitting on. We decided to part ways, so we said our goodbyes and left. She headed off in to town and I moved to a bench and to sleep. Prayed for our safety as we slept that night, and went to bed.

God is Good

Your Loving Hand

God,
Hold within your hand
this broken and stained man.
ready to serve
working up the nerve
to be where he is called.
Instructed from above,
working with love.
Even in this place
I can see your face,
though often to it we're blinded
Give me the strength
to go the length,
this is where I should be
because you are with me
I love you and I follow.

Written 8/9/10

Monday 8/9/10

5 am.......wake-up call, with the little sleep I had five was too soon. Went out and got my clothes from the hot box. Seems it only kills off bugs and not smells, the clothes were still dirty and smelled. I was sweaty and gross from the sleep, so putting on my dirty clothes only doubled the problem.

Went downstairs, grabbed my stuff and sat in the auditorium. Service was basic and seemed most slept through it. After the service was breakfast.

Breakfast was oatmeal and bananas. Luckily they did have coffee, so my headache was not too bad. Before leaving I asked one of the staff for a toothbrush. After giving me a lot of huffing and puffing, he finally went off and tried to find one. I was overjoyed when he gave me one.

I walked out the door and headed for downtown. As I was walking down S. Canal, Jamal ran over and asked where I was going, I told him "just moving on". He said goodbye and God bless.

Got to downtown and found a spot to sit. Sitting on the corner of S. Wabash and Jackson in a corner journaling and playing harmonica. The looks and glares could have cut me up. My spot in the doorway did not work, tried using sign #1 with no luck. One lady said "I have no money, but i have this" (handed me a jehovahs witness pamphlet.) An officer told me to move because I couldn't sid in the doorway (can't sit in an abandoned doorway?) So I walked up to Millenium park. It had bathrooms and fountains which was nice to find.

Decided to walk all the way up to the Hancock. Sat at the south side of the Michigan Ave. entrance to the Chicago Water Works. Used Signs 2 and 3. I was given $28 and a granola bar. Used $21 to buy a cheap backpack at Walgreens. I got a lot of 'good lucks', a few 'take cares' and one lady passing by said to her boyfriend "I hate the homeless". God booted from the Water Works site once again by the cops.

Walked back to Millenium Park. Slept on the hill near the bean.

It is strange feeling so alone and outcast from those around you. loneliness is not a fun living style.

Another bum asked me to buy him a hotdog. I told him that I had no money and have been asking on the streets too. I feel really bad now, I have $10 on me. Should I have bought it?

(I miss Molly a lot at this point. It is hard to go from a place of feeling loved to a place where you are rejected. There is such a need for relationship.)

Went out into the city again and sat for a bit longer with no luck. Held up sign number 4. Met another homeless guy who tried to show me the ropes. No luck with his help. We talked for a minute and turns out he was an alcoholic, but was not interested in talking any farther.

While sleeping in the park later that day, I saw a chick about my age sleeping near where I was lying. Asked her if she was homeless of there for the concert. She said that she was homeless and had been living as a squatter for 12 years. She asked me if I had clean socks then tossed me a clean pair. We talked for a bit and she said that I could join her on her journey. Told her that I would think about it.

We packed up and went to downtown. She had worn the same pair for pants for about a year and wanted to buy a new pair. We went to Old Navy and Macys. After she finally found a pair we headed over to Borders to get some coffee. She bought me a cup of coffee. We sat, while she charged her phone, and talked. She said that she wanted to know me if I was going to stick around.

(Continued under monday night)

Map of Downtown


Signs
#1 - I only need Food & a backpack God bless
#2 - I need Food & a backpack Thank you God bless
#3 - food.............$10
backpack..........$20
making some ones life better.........priceless
#4 - I just want food

Journal of a homeless man

Some of you know That I lived Homeless this past week. I will be entering my journals throughout the week for you all to read and start to understand what I went through.

Enjoy

-Ben

Sunday 8/8/10

Arrived at Josh's around 4 (central time). Dropped off the my stuff, chatted for a bit, and left. Drove down to Gino's east and had some deep dish. We went to Millenium park so that Steph could see a bit of the city.

We drove down to Dominicks on S Canal St. (2 blocks from PGM) to go to the bathroom. I hadn't told Molly that this was where they were going to leave me. Gave Molly the keys when she came out of the bathroom. Gave Steph a hug goodbye, then embraced Molly. Grabbed my stuff (my trash bag with a towel, bible, journal, pen, marker, and granola bar)

Headed down the street, turned out to be only 2 blocks down. Pacific Garden Mission, one of the largest shelters in the Mid-West, was my first nights destination. It was very intimidating to walk into such a place for the first time and have no idea what you are supposed to do.

I saw a first time counselor when I first arrived there. He talked with me about salvation and went over the rules with me (this should have told me what I was in for). I had to turn over my knife, so I am now unarmed. I kinda wish that I hadn't told him, I could have stashed it in my bag and they wouldn't have known. Now looking back at it, I am glad that I had to give up my knife. It really made me put my trust for my safety in God and not in my weapon.

Met another young guy when I was first walking in, named Jamal Sat next to him during the service. He was very friendly and joyful. I did not see him too much until later in the week.

Before we could sleep, we had to attend a service from 8 to 9. Annoying gospel hour trying too hard to convert everybody. Most of the guys slept through it. When the service was finally done we were able to start heading upstairs for bed.

Showers are required every night before bed. You have to put your clothes on hangers in a "hot box", which heats up the clothes in order to kill off anything that might be living in them. We showered in large rooms together. We were given hospital gowns to wear for bed if we did not have a change of clothes. The bunks were two high and had two on each side. I kept knocking into the metal divider between the beds and ticked off the guy across from me.

I had a very hard time sleeping the first night. It was uncomfortable and hot all night. In a room full of guys with little air conditioning the room remained very hot. The hospital gown was strange and I felt too exposed. I was soo far out of my comfort zone that I could not sleep.

Homeless in Chicago

Maybe I and just crazy, or maybe I'm on to something. This next week I will be living homeless in Chicago. I won't have my cell or credit cards on me. Just trying to survive and learn from the experience.
About this time last year God put it on my heart to do this. After a year of planning and praying it is finally here. I don't know what is in store, but I am sure that God will put people and experience in the way for me. I feel like this is where I am supposed to go, God has out peace in my mind about the trip.
It is still going to cost me money to get there but very little will be needed for finances otherwise.
As far as support I really need your prayers for me on this trip. I am not worried about the trip but it definitely needs to be bathed in prayer.
Next week I will be daily posting my journal on the blog. I figure it would be good to keep a daily journal of what goes on and I will put that up for all of you to read. Pray for my safety, my ministry and connecting with people on the street, safety traveling for me and my girlfriend who is bringing me.

Thank you all for your support and prayers, let's see what God does.
God bless
-B3n